The problem - or one of the problems, at any rate - with having a foreign fiance is that it's hard to have sex when you're both within the confines of your natural born national boundaries.
The Feyoncé? Stuck in Finland, exam schedule full. Her plan to come to Scotland for a year curtailed by the intransigance of failed exams.
Myself? Stuck here in Scotland, trying - and failing, for the most part - to save enough money to go to Finland and see her.
Researching prices this morning, I discovered that the average round trip from Glasgow Airport to Oulu in Lapland was going to cost upwards of £400 and involve at least three planes. Bah, humbug. Not what I wanted.
Thankfully, there is always an easier way these days. One cheap trip to Stockholm Skavsta, followed by another from Stockholm Arlanda to Oulu, and I'm there for £200. In theory. Ryanair's strangely fluctuating prices (£69.99 Prestwick-Skavsta on the Monday, £4.99 for the same trip on Tuesday) means that it could end up more expensive, but for a 2500 mile round trip (or whatever it is) I'll take it.
Maybe I'll learn how to ski.